You're Still Here?


Yeah, it's been a while. Like just under two months a while. Didn't expect this shit did ya? My two month hiatus was born out of a much needed break from the stresses of Wally's continuing presence--who, by the way, is still alive and well--and having to add that on to starting back at school. Then I realized how much fun it was sitting on my couch for the majority of the day watching Netflix and discovering new ways to make my kitchen smell like experimental Food Network recipes. It was fun while it lasted, but lately even Wally has been calling me a useless piece of shit behind my back.


When taken out of the context of what it means to be "meaningful", I accomplished quite a lot: I went to Minnesota to have more blood drawn than could ever fit in the vampire gerbil I wish existed. I rewatched Arrested Development, twice. I turned 21 at a Minnesota hospital hotel bar in between blood drawings. I made an Imgur username. I dreamt I became an Indian cricket super star. I bought festive Fall candles. I fell in love with a woman. I let my life revolve around that woman. And then watched that woman walk away from me because she's the legal property of my friend and also a golden retriever. I still think about you, Belle.


I haven't been completely useless, though; I created a McDonald's menu, I put frozen pizza to a scientific test, I took invasive pictures of my friends, I invented a drinking game. Okay mostly I got drunk and ate food, but that doesn't diminish any of the pride I have for those efforts.

By now we've all come to the same conclusion that this post really has no actual content, other than to explain why I left your father and tell you that I'll be back home soon from Toys Backwards R Us with all sorts of "shiny things erase the memory of my absence" presents. Stay tuned for the Fall 2014 premiere of the hit show Molly Destroys Her Chances of Getting a Summer Internship by Putting Her Thoughts on the Internet.

You know you say thanks when I tell you I love you,

Xoxo Dancing Queen's Special Cousin

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