Last night the rosters were released for the 2015 MLB All-Star Game. At this year's All-Star Game, live every year before it, we'll honor the 9 American League and 8 National League starters for making the first half of our national past time so great; but I want to honor what makes them so great: their asses.
Yes, it's a proven fact that baseball uniforms and baseball players have the best butts--proven by my personal preference and that's all that matters--so I'm going to celebrate those butts today, with the *now annual MLB Butt Awards.
The 2015 MLB Butt Awards: Brought to You by the Mothers and Fathers of the Bootylicious American League Starters
The Honorary Booty Wrangler Award- Manager Ned Yost
We wouldn't be here today if not for the managerial efforts of this man.
The Nicki Minaj Fangirl Award- C Salvador Perez
He's still perfecting his form.
The Human Butt Lift Award- 1B Miguel Cabrera
The future of non-invasive cosmetic surgery.
The Get Low Award- 2B Jose Altuve
Good things come in small packages.
The Come From Behind Surprise Award- SS Alcides Escobar
No one predicted that would be there.
The Most Popular Booty Award- 3B Josh Donaldson
Looks like somebody will be showing up at their high school reunion after all.
The Slidin' Into Yo' DMs Award- OF Mike Trout
America thanks you for slidin' dat ass into those pants.
The High School Musical Award- OF Lorenzo Cain
Soaring, flying, and breaking free... all at once.
The Stairstepper Infomercial Award- OF Alex Gordon
"For only 12 easy payments of $199.99 you'll get a machine so compact, you can't even see it!"
The Genetically Enhanced 'Ass 2.0' Award- DH Nelson Cruz
Is your ass a parking ticket? Because it's got 50 game PED suspension written all over it. *wink*
--Stay tuned tomorrow for the National League Edition--