Have you ever gone to Home Depot and immediately felt the urge to go ballistic on an aisle of extremely fragile porcelain? Me too. I went to Home Depot this morning to get an allen wrench and a grill lighter--that's only two items if you're struggling with the math--and let me tell you, those 45 minutes were straight out of fucking hell. We all go to Home Depot for different reasons, but that doesn't mean we can't all hate it with a deep, burning passion just the same. But I want to share more with my fellow Home Depot patrons than just violent thoughts about a hardware store, so I made a Home Depot playlist. It's not just any type of playlist, though, it's a relatable playlist, which means every song was hand-picked to remind you just how much you wish you were anywhere else in the world but Home Depot. Even the set of Slumdog Millionaire. They may have to deal with literal shit, but at least they don't have to deal with this bullshit.
Molly Ade's Maneuvering Home Depot Playlist: Sponsored by Confused Frustration, In Partnership With Angry Regret
Shots- Imagine Dragons
For when you need to ease the pain before you even leave for the store.
Maps- Maroon 5
For when you walk in the story and wonder immediately why everyone isn't given a complimentary Sacagawea.
I'm Just A Kid- Simple Plan
For the only time in your life you'll wish you were back in high school so your parents would be the ones here instead of you.
It Comes Back To You- Imagine Dragons
For when every trip down an aisle lands you back with the power tools, even though you don't want any power tools.
Round And Round- Imagine Dragons
For when you turn on the Nike running app while you're in the store and it shows you your walking path.
All I Ever Want Is You- Tim McMorris
For when you stare into the abyss of tangible stainless steel refrigerators and piles of plywood, but can only imagine the one item you want.
How Many Times- DJ Khaled
For when the loud speaker calls Steve to customer assistance for the 7th time, but Steve is still not at customer assistance.
The Night Is Still Young- Nicki Minaj
For when you try to convince yourself you haven't wasted your entire day here, just most of it.
Slow Motion- Try Songz
The speed you'll have to walk if you want to have any chance of spotting that one small nut in a sea of bolts and toilet bowl covers.
Who Knows?- Natasha Bedingfield
For when you realize grill coals and bathroom cleaners are in the same aisle and wonder what aisle of completely unrelated shit you'll have to search through to find what you want.
Watch Me- Silento
What every employee is doing instead of helping you, even though you've been spinning around in circles for the past 5 minutes.
Thinking Out Loud- Ed Sheeran
For when the watching has gone on for 15 minutes and you need some other way to get their attention.
Where U Been?-
For when you finally find that screwdriver you were looking for for the past 45 minutes.
Wait In Line- James Bay
What you want to do, if only you could actually find the check out.
Another Last Goodbye- Aerosmith
For when you swear this will be the last trip you'll ever make, even though that's not true.
My Shiny Teeth and Me- Chip Skylark
Because Home Depot found a way to be the one thing less appealing than the dentist.