50 Shades of Drafts


After successfully playing the avoiding game for the last 4 years, last night I finally caved. That's right, I watched 50 Shades of Grey. I got roped into reading the first roughly 20 pages of the book in high school before I just couldn't handle the stupidity any longer. Since then I've been able to do a pretty good job of avoiding it at all costs, but all good things come to and end. In this case, the good thing was my trust in movies.

I didn't really know exactly why it was called 50 Shades of Grey until Christian Grey calls himself '50 shades of fucked up', but now that I know, I don't think that title is really appropriate. I don't think it really captures the true essence of what 50 Shades of Grey really is, and I have a few ideas for titles that do. If you've seen the movie, you'll exactly why these are 10x better; if you haven't, well now you don't have to.

(I know I'm a little late to the 50 Shades mockery party, but a new book in the series was released (unfortunately), so we'll just attribute my timing to that.)

50 Shades of Drafts: Book Titles That Probably Got Thrown Out But Shouldn't Have

  • 120 Minutes, 0 Comfortable Moments

  • A Film Portrayal of Your Abnormal Psychology Textbook

  • The Prequel to a Murder

  • Your Parents' Sex Life Before You Were Born

  • The Guy Who Never Learned How To Properly Take His Shirt Off

  • Would You Believe Toast Could Be Sexy?

  • A Tale of Two Titties

  • "Are You Gay?": The Sexiest New Pickup Line

  • The Girl Who Gets Turned on by Literally Everything

  • The Girl Who Could Probably Get Turned by a Lightbulb

  • Eye Fucking In An Elevator

  • Constant Interruptions of Eye Fucking In the Elevator

  • Romantic Communication on a 6th Grade Level

  • Biting Lips Never Looked Less Sexy

  • Twilight: More Sex, More Mouth Breathing

  • The Hardware Store Just Got Harder

  • Another One Bites the Bush

  • Anal Fisting

Yup, I'm still uncomfortable.