A Social Media Friendly Vacation Story: As Told By A Photographically Challenged Girl

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Like every other technologically addicted yet incompetent white girl, I have an iPhone 6. According to the Apple website, my iPhone has an "A8 chip" with  "large 1.5-micron pixels, ƒ/2.2 aperture, the option to capture 1080p HD at 60 fps, 240-fps slo-mo, time-lapse video, shoot HD video, and then watch the stunning results on the large Retina HD display." I have absolutely no idea what that translates to other than the camera on my phone is of pretty good quality, yet I rarely, if ever, take pictures. Why? The thought of being that bitch that stops all foot traffic to take an Instagram of a soon-to-be painted over piece of graffiti art makes me quiver in discomfort. Making an active effort to stop and skinny arm in the middle of a public place while a crowd around stares in silent judgment makes me cringe in disgust. I also generally tend to look like disheveled shit.

This usually isn't a problem for me. My friends are pretty on top of all the capturing memories business, so they take on the duty of arranging the "cute" or "fun" pictures whenever we go somewhere notable. This means I've managed to collect a somewhat respectable**** collection of tagged photos of me on Facebook, ya know, in case I ever decide to dive into that online dating thing. As I type this my friend is sitting next to me on the plane putting filters on all her pictures and editing together what I would guess is roughly an hour of GoPro footage from our spring break trip. I rest my case.

My most recently tagged Facebook pictures

*It's not actually respectable.

Remember how I said this usually isn't a problem? Yeah. Traveling is not one of those times. Thanks to The 'Book, it's pretty much unsocially acceptable nowadays to go on a vacation longer than 48 hours and not post 17 photos for every hour spent awake. Not to mention all the endless requests from friends to go through your phone's photo album in the hopes of living vicariously through you. What happens when you don't post a picture of something? That memory is completely wiped from actual existence. What does this mean for your vacation? The only things you did were the things you have proof of in your photo album aka pics or it didn't happen.

So what did I do on my most recent vacation? I spent the last week and a half on spring break in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic with my two friends Ali and Amber. For exactly what I did, though, we'll have to turn to my camera roll. Here's a play-by-play of everything I did--and the only things I did--during my 10 day foreign country vacation:

IMG_0533Day 1

Every vacation begins with a little travel, but not for me! We should have taken a cab from Ann Arbor to the Detroit Airport and then flown from Detroit to our layover in Philly, but PLOT TWIST we just teleported instead!

Day 2

After a lovely overnight layover snooze on the benches of the only isolated and run down terminal of the Philadelphia airport, it was finally time to get out of the country! Before the plane could even take off, Amber took a nap and I chucked some deuces.

If traveling is our game, then teleportation is our name! Upon magically arriving at the resort, Amber met a cool new flamingo friend. Then the day probably just ended.

Day 3

Day 3 disappeared into complete oblivion. Everyone's all up in arms trying to find the technology tIMG_0537hat will make time travel a reality, but maybe they're searching the wrong country? Hint: search the Dominican.

Day 4

The day 3 time travel made its way through the majority of day 4, but fortunately for us it decided enough was enough by nightfall. La noche de dia cuatro brought us footage of our half naked guy friends dancing to I'm Too Sexy on a stage in front of the entire resort. I didn't film anything leading up to that, though, so we're all sitting here in awe wondering how our vacation got to that point.

Day 5

A theme seems to be emerging for this trip. That theme is sleeping, except that I'm never the one doing it. How did I make it this far into the trip with no shut eye?!

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Day 6IMG_0550

The sleeping continues! I finally understand why my mom was so hesitant about me spending all this money on a trip to a foreign country. What's the point of even going if I can't even get my friends to wakeup long enough to see the sunlight? All I have of that is a video of us trying to rip him out of bed, such a shame that took all day.

Day 7

The Dominican food started settling in in a nice spot under my chin. I may or may not have been sleeping right before this picture.

Day 8

On day 8 we took to hotel reviewing! I don't know how seriously they'll take our comments since all we seemed to do was sleep and meet flamingos, but our sleep must have been pretty damn great to earn an "excellente wow!" All that hotel reviewing had us exhausted, so Amber had to take a quick cat nap later that night. Or was it quick? Did we do anything else?

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Day 9

Unfortunately day 9 was time for us to leave. It's a good thing we planned our flights as we did, because, coincidentally, our resort got attacked by half a billboard and a gigantic T-Rex right as we made our getaway. Phew!

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Day 10

Ah, back at the Philly Airport. Its surprising that people don't fly places more often, I mean seriously, we were back in The States in a snap! If I were a medical doctor, I would start prescribing traveling to my insomnia patients, seeing as it seems to make you pass out on a moments notice, no matter where you are.

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A girl once told me she wanted to be a photojournalist. I could not relate any less.