Challenge: Gluten Free for a Day


Anna Kendrick once said

"I love gluten."

Me too Anna, me too. I also like spending large portions of time on my couch and not following fitspirational Instagram accounts, all things that are not typically associated with the current gluten free fad. I've never felt any inclination whatsoever to hop on the gluten free bandwagon. I understand some people were forced into it by self-loathing genes, but I don't understand why any one would actually want to give up the ambrosia of the gods (Panera mac and cheese) willingly.

Unfortunately for myself, I couldn't help but at least try it.

I regret every minute of that decision.

Tuesday February 3rd, 2015: A Day That Will Live In Infamy

9:12 a.m. my alarm goes off

"Gluten free today!" I'm not ready for this. This isn't my first time attempting a diet-related challenge. Once in 5th grade I decided to see if I could be a vegetarian for a week. I lasted half a day before I forgot and ate chicken nuggets. There was no point in trying to salvage it after that. Needless to say, the alarm reminder was necessary.

It takes me all of 3 minutes to realize that I'm not even remotely prepared for this, mostly because I don't actually know what has gluten in it. I'm never hungry in the morning, so breakfast consists of some strawberries and a mini Babybel. #HealthKick

12 p.m. I'm hungry

Shocker there. I'm too lazy to make actual food, plus I'm not that hungry, so lunch for now is hot chocolate.

Does hot chocolate have gluten? If hot chocolate is gluten, and gluten is wrong, I don't want to be right.

1:30 p.m. how does one cook lunch without gluten?

In the first round of today's meals, Molly Ade picks parmesan garlic roasted asparagus (#foodporn) (Cue parmesan garlic roasted asparagus coming up the podium and putting on his new Molly Ade hat and jersey. Cue no one understanding the sports reference). It wasn't actually #foodporn, it tasted fine but smelled kind of bad. The asparagus is followed up with a clementine and some yogurt. Luckily I had just gone to the grocery store so I actually had food supplies to work with. If I had attempted this a couple days ago, the only contents of my kitchen would be pasta, ketchup, and dill pickles.

Lunch left me full but not satisfied. I'm doing surprisingly better than I thought I would be.

2:30 p.m. lunch lasted me all of an hour

I take back everything I've said. I'm full, but not satisfied, but I'm not actually full and I'm really hungry. All I have with me in class is a clementine so I settle for that.

5 p.m. without gluten I've lost my sense of time

Breakfast at 5 p.m., aka scrambled eggs. They turn out to be less scrambled eggs and more melted cheese with a little bit of egg mixed in. I follow that up with a hard-boiled egg. I think I'm eating too many eggs.

6 p.m. I'm still hungry

Forever hungry. Are pieces of lettuce gluten free?

8 p.m. I've come so far, but not far enough

I move on to refried beans. I don't even want refried beans. I want bread. Are refried beans gluten free?

1:30 a.m. the final test

I'm so hungry. So very hungry. I'm almost tempted into breaking out of pure need to late night snack. Somehow I pull through and go to bed hungry. So. Very. Hungry.

Prior to today I would never question if a vegetable had gluten in it. I'm convinced gluten is actually a vital nutrient without which your brain cannot function. Maybe that's why all the gluten free-ers love yoga. Who actually enjoys yoga?

All that's left to do now is tally up the scores. This one's probably the most straightforward: if gluten was consumed, check the win box; if gluten was not consumed, check the lose box. Gluten was not consumed (to my dismay).

Molly: 3 - Challenges: 1

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